after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
