# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
