I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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