i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
