the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
