the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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