Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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