What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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