My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
