I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
