Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
