I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
