I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
