Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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