I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
COCAINE IS GR8
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
