none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
