She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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