Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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