Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
