So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So many bounce houses so little time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
