I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
