Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
