call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
