dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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