would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
