Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
