Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
