is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
