I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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