How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
