I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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