I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
