all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
