My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
