Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
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I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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