he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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