I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
