I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
