I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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