i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
