it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
