yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
