good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
