I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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