I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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