we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
