i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
