I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
