Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
