porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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